Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
