You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dick very happy bro
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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