so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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