Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm passing your future prison.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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