i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
