I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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