When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
