When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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