Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
