just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
