"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Farmville is her only friend.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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