Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
