The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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