My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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