Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
