Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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