I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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