The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
