Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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