I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
