I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
