I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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