I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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