after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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