My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
