Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
