guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
