Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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