She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
