I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
