I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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