sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass