new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.