was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
whose parrot is this?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.