I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's the barista slut.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.