Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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