How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
