Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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