I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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