You're completely useless in the revolution.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize