He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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