I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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