Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
