How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
