Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
