Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
