And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
