I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
