dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
