Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
