i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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