I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
