Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
