ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize