I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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