it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
