She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
