I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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