found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
