what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
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She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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