I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
