Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
