dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
