who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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