Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
