It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
