they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you never un-have a 4some
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
