The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
