And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
