my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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