Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Shame is for Republicans.
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