my shit smells like andre
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pants are for mortals
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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