Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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