i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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