so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I deserve this hangover.
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