I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
