There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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