didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
