And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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