are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
