Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
did i walk over a car last night?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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