I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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