what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
