Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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