Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
